Well flapjacks, we are in the waning days of summer, which means October and Halloween are right around the corner. But before we can treat ourselves with candy, costume parties and good horror movies (unless you are marathoning the later entries in the Halloween franchise), we must slog our way through what I have come to call Awful August: a time where we at the International House of Horror spotlight “bad” horror movies. But do they just have a bad reputation and are misunderstood? Maybe they so bad they’re “good?” Or are they just plain bad, like Delores’ service? (Look, I asked that my table be wiped down two months ago and it’s still sticky. J-Bones needs to hire some better, and sexier, help.)
So for my first ever Awful August Short Stack, I decided it was time to take a retreat to the country and check in to Mountaintop Motel Massacre! How bad could it possibly be, you ask? Well, for context, the first time I attempted to watch this, I gave up about thirty to forty-five minutes in, so it’s not off to a great start. In fact, Mountaintop Motel Massacre was one of the choices for our first Awful August podcast episode poll, losing out to the so bad it’s good Hobgoblins. (If you haven’t listened to that episode yet, check it out. It was a lot of fun.) Let's dive in to this Short Stack and see if I can manage to keep this one down, or if I’m going to have hurry to the secret VIP bathroom and hurl it into the toilet with the other terrible horror movies. (Don’t tell Scary Perry. He still thinks there is only the one crappy bathroom (no pun intended) that looks like a biological waste dump inside. They’re only about halfway finished rebuilding the gas station, so he’s going to have to wait a little longer for to use that gas station bathroom.)
The film opens with Evelyn tending her garden after having recently been released from the nut house. Her daughter, Laurie, has a large collection of pets, including a rabbit, a goat, several snakes, and even cockroaches. However, one of her fluffy critters has wandered into Evelyn’s garden, and that’s all it takes for her to snap and kill the poor creature with her sickle. She then heads inside into the earthen basement to scold her daughter and finds her practicing witchcraft, performing some ritual involving a photo of her dad. (It’s heavily implied that the mother may have killed the father, which would explain why she went to an institute.) So like any responsible adult, she hauls off and smacks Lorie in the neck with that sickle. EMTs and the Sheriff arrive, along with the local pastor, but it’s too late to save her. Granted, it was probably too late to save her when she got whacked in the neck to begin with. Crazy Evelyn didn’t even try to put pressure on the wound to prevent blood lose. No wonder she was put in an asylum.
Tons of lit candles? Check. Collection of creepy dolls? Check. Ouija board? Check. Moody lighting? Check. We officially have everything needed to certify this place's occupants as insane.
After watching this opening, I wondered why I gave up watching this one before. It’s well shot with some sweet lighting and has a creepy atmosphere to it that I was digging. Did I get this one wrong? Granted, the next part up to the thirty or forty minute mark is a slow introduction of the characters who stop at the motel to stay the night for various reasons. This was the point where I turned it off before, and while the first couple are boring, I kind of got back into it. The best is this marketing executive, Al, who picks up two ladies whose car broke down and then pretends to be a music producer to get them in the sack. It’s hilarious. Although don’t expect much in T&A in this one aside from a side boob here and there. But we do get a brief cameo of the dog from Resident Evil 4 jumping in front of some newlyweds’ pickup truck. Hey, he tried to warn them about the danger, but they wouldn't listen.
"Look, I'm going to call you Betty, but Betty, you can call me Al. And yes, my moustache is better than Scary Perry's."
Then the shenanigans start, as Evelyn starts to go crazier as she hears the voice of her dead daughter, first by sneaking various creatures like snakes and cockroaches of her daughters into the rooms of the motel guests through trap doors, and then eventually using said trap doors to sneak in and “massacre” the occupants. While some of the kill effects are definitely low quality, there are some decent ones here, with the sickle through the mouth being the highlight; it’s a well-done effect.
I'm beginning to think the real reason Evelyn killed her daughter is because she went around hanging all of her crappy drawings on the motel rooms walls.
Eventually, the remaining motel guests catch on and call the sheriff, but he’s out drinking of course. Escape is out of the question, as due to a storm a tree fell, blocking the road out. Not content to wait around to die, they band together to head into the serious of spooky hidden tunnels under the motel. Will they be able to find and kill Evelyn, or will she ambush them first? The sheriff does eventually receive the message and heads for the hotel, but remember that downed tree? He wrecks his cruiser into it and has to hoof it the rest of the way. But will he make it to the hotel in time to save the day?
Mountaintop Motel Massacre is definitely derivative of Friday the 13th, with a seemingly harmless old lady killing people isolated in a backwoods rotation. Just swap Jason with Lorri for the voice in her head. (In this regard it’s probably also derivative of Psycho, especially given the off the beaten path motel.) This differs in the fact that there’s no mystery as to who the killer is. It’s nowhere near as good as Friday the 13th, but it’s a surprisingly decent slasher. Sure, it drags in the middle like many average slashers, but when the atmosphere kicks in with the creepy underground tunnels, surprisingly solid score, and moody lighting in the Evelyn’s house/motel office, I really start to dig the vibe. Maybe I was a little too impatient on my first attempt to watch this. Sure, it’s no masterpiece and is cheesy, but hey, that’s what fans come to this genre for. The sickle mouth kill alone makes it worth watching. It’s a fun little watch and worth checking out and maybe the occasional rewatch.
I hope this Short Stack tides you over for Awful August, because there is zero chance that that episode comes out in August. What can I say, I’m a busy man. It doesn’t help that Scary Perry is so easily distracted. Speaking of which, I see him through the window over at the gas station construction site and, uh oh. It looks like a delivery truck just pulled up and brought a shipment of The Stuff. Already? Huh, the gas station must be closer to opening then I thought. Well, I better go grab Scary Perry before he tries to get some. I don’t feel like having to take him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped again.
Overall Rating: 3 Pancakes
